Jason Edward Posluszny

It’s almost unimaginable to think that exactly 3 months ago, I was at the dump… throwing garbage away when at the exact same moment, less than a mile away on the same road I was on, Jason had just lost his life. The idea that I was there, doing that, while he was there doing that… right there, so close to where I was, and I didn’t have a clue… Is absolutely fucking horrifying to me. It haunts me.

Every month on the 25th I have to deal with this. You try not to think about stuff like this but sometimes certain triggers, like a date, have a way of hitting you when you don’t have your guard up. But there’s one thing I always remember.

I was up so early that morning because we were going to Busch Gardens. When I got back from the dump, I got Dalyce and Nero and we left. I live in Citrus Hills, so I head up to 44 and the normal way to go to Tampa is you go right on 44 towards Lecanto, head up to 98 and make your way to 75 from Brooksville. We had a pass to the park so we went there a lot and I probably have gone that way 6 times.

But that morning, for some reason, somehow, with no way to explain it, I just simply got the urge to experiment and make a left instead of a right. I wanted to try going a way I had never gone before, taking Floral City into Bushnell and hitting 75 that way just to see if it was quicker. It was completely random. I didn’t decide to do it until I was at the stop sign. That’s how random it was. It was like "You know what... Let’s try left today." Going left, took me in the opposite direction of the crash. About 30 seconds driving, from that point, is where the crash happened.

It’s that thought… that I use to counteract that bad one. There was no reason for me to go the opposite direction of the crash. The opposite way I go every single time. Somehow, I was lead away from the spot where, about 15 minute earlier, the car Jas was riding in crashed. I would have driven right past it at a moment when the scene was still on going and when everything was still happening. I mean, it had just happened. I don’t know what I would have seen if I drove past it at 8:15 that morning.

What I do know is - any visual of that fucking accident would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I am very... very grateful that I did not happen to pass the scene. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if I drove past it and went off to Busch Gardens not realizing who was in the accident. That would have just, sent me to a damn rubber room. And under the circumstances, I am very… very lucky I was spared that trauma. And I shouldn’t have been, when every plan I had that morning lead me right past the crash.

And I absolutely believe, somehow, Jason lead me away from it. Let me tell you, after everything that’s happened, I don’t have any specific belief of what happens when you die. But I don’t have a doubt in my mind that somehow, Jason lead me away from that crash.

It was too random and just plain weird of me to do to not mean anything. I can still remember Dalyce questioning me about why I was going that way and telling me it would be longer but me saying that I just wanted to try it to see.

I guess what I do believe is, the body and the mind are separate. And I don’t think anybody knows what happens to your mind, soul, or spirit when you die because... you have to be dead to find out. I don’t know what a mind, soul, or spirit is capable of. But I think Jason protected me that morning. And I know I have had other experiences in the days after Jason’s death, very surreal experiences, that have absolutely cemented that belief.

And this is coming from the ultimate skeptic. Before this happened, I would think people who said this kind of stuff were crazy. I admit that because I believe it makes what I’m saying that much more important.

And that’s what I try to remember on the 25th. So tonight when the moon comes out, me and Nero will go talk to Jason. Because for some reason, and I have no idea where he got this, Nero thinks Jason is on the moon. Whenever we’re outside at night now, Nero wants to find the moon so he can talk to Jason.

So after he started doing this I kind of just went with it. I tell him Jason’s on the moon and he can always see him and hear him, even though Nero can’t see him or hear him, he’s always watching and listening. So last night, driving around he was looking for the moon in the car everywhere and when he finally saw it we stopped to look at it and he waved at the moon and said "Hi Jason! I’ve got pliers! I’m gonna get your ear!" Last time Jas and Nero were together, Nero kept on eating his nose and ear. So he never forgets playing that game with him. And he’s still playing it. And I think Jason is still playing it with him too, somehow.

And that’s how I keep going for Jason. I can’t help thinking about those bad thoughts sometimes. But I do my best to take those bad thoughts and kick their ass with thoughts of how awesome Jason is. And you’re damn right, me and Nero talk to Jason on the moon. It’s a long way up there, but I think he can hear us. Call me crazy.

That’s cute with Nero. Made me laugh picturing Nero saying "I’ve got pliers" LOL Allie does the same thing. She talks to him all the time. I hope they never forget him. I truly believe too that that was Jason somehow telling you not to go that way. WAY to random to be a coincidence. And you are right. That image would have haunted you forever. I always look at car accidents when I go by to make sure I don’t recognize any of the cars. In that situation we wouldn’t have recognized them. Then to find out it was him would have been horrible. Someone somewhere told you to go the other way.

I believe in ghosts and all that stuff. Every once in a while something weird will happen and I wonder if it is Jason screwing with me. I know when it’s my time I’ll come back and haunt everyone!

Matt I thought that same thing when Mike told me that you guys went the other direction. It would have been hard to deal with, it is hard enough with out that.

It is comforting to hear the kids randomly talk about Jason, with Isaac he will tell us things that him and Jas did that we didn’t even know about. Isaac looks at the moon too when he thinks about Jason at night, I think that he correlates the moon and heaven. He says that Jason is helping God watch and protect us.

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That’s really great to know. Feels good knowing I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

Absoluetly I feel exactly the same. way too many coincidences. I’m even crazier, I talk to him, sometimes I can almost hear what he would say. I sometimes wonder if he is putting thoughts in my head. Sometimes I almost feel his presence, or I’ll be close to a panic attack and a funny or cute thing he did will pop in my head out of nowhere, and make me smile.

I posted a blog yesterday about a dream I had, I believe he was talking to me through that dream. For anyone that doesnt know, I have posted a bog entry every month on the 25th, a letter to jas.

I smelled his cologne one day in his car. EVERY time i go to his roadside memorial, I see a rainbow coming home.

I never heard that story Matt. Thank goodness you went the other way. That is amazing. I can never bring myself to say RIP, only because I don’t believe he is resting. I believe he has unimaginable power now, to be with us, guide us, help us, and yes Trish, even pull pranks on us. I prefer "soar high" to rip. Through the universe, and back with us again.

I believe he can see us, and hear us. I believe he has helped me not totally lose my mind over him being gone. Well, the meds have helped too, but i frequently get upset even on the meds. Something always calms me down, and it’’s not throwing another pill down my throat, it come from inside.

I believe when we go somewhere, he has the ability to be there with us, in spirit. i feel there is a difference between ghosts and spirits though. Ghosts are usually troubled, hence the haunting aspect. I believe spirits roam free, and can be with us any time they choose.

I dont know how i missed this yesterday. I always check for new posts before going to sleep. Maybe the page didn’t refresh.

Jas, Im missing my little blue heart toe ring i lost at Maya’s party. And we are missing your Hollywood undead CD. Also, where are all your sweatshirts... give us a hand huh. And if there is anything we need to know about the crash that we dont already know, point us in the right direction. I believe you have done that already many times.

I sometimes look to the sky for him, but most times i just try and feel his presence. I remember that game jas played with nero, was so cute. How adorable, pliers, lol.. maybe he IS playing back. kids can be much more open minded than we are and may possibly be easier for him to communicate with.

I say goodnight to him every night, his urn, but i think he hears me. i have never had one bad dream since the crash, and i have had nightmares all my life. He is with us, we just gotta believe, and watch for the signs.